MY STORY

I’M MALIN ANDERSSON – HALF SWEDISH AND HALF SRI-LANKAN, RAISED IN ENGLAND. I NEVER QUITE FELT LIKE I BELONGED. GROWING UP, I WAS THE OUTSIDER. I WAS BULLIED FOR LOOKING DIFFERENT, FOR BEING DIFFERENT. IT LEFT SCARS, ONES I CARRIED FOR YEARS WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING THE WEIGHT OF THEM. I LIVED WITH MY TWO BROTHERS, SISTER MUM AND STEP FATHER, A NORMAL CHILDHOOD. I FOUND MYSELF VERY LONELY AT SCHOOL AS I WAS QUITE DIFFERENT TO THE OTHER GIRLS AND FOUND MYSELF PLAYING ALONE A LOT IN MY OWN LITTLE WORLD.

WHEN I WAS ONE, MY DAD SADLY DIED FROM SKIN CANCER. THIS IMPACTED MY MUM MASSIVELY, AND RESULTED IN HER BEING VERY EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE FOR ME AND MY SIBLINGS.

THIS IS WHEN MY LIFE CHANGED. MY MUM WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER. I'D GO TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WONDERING IF SHE WOULD STAY ALIVE. I SPENT A LOT OF TIME QUIET AND ALONE WITH MY STEP-DAD AT THE TIME, AND THIS WAS WHEN MY ATTACHMENT ISSUES, FEAR AND ANXIETY STARTED TO FILL ME UP.

WHEN I WAS SIXTEEN MY MUM WANTED ME TO BE SEEN, I ENTERED MY FIRST BEAUTY PAGEANT. I TOOK PART IN MISS BEDFORDSHIRE AND MISS ENGLAND. THIS WAS A REALLY BITTERSWEET TIME FOR ME AS THE GIRLS IN MY SCHOOL FUELLED HATE TOWARDS ME OUT OF JEALOUSY AND ISOLATED ME. MY MUM CAME FROM SRI LANKA, HAD NOTHING, SO A PART OF ME THINKS THIS WAS HER WAY TO LIVE HER DREAM THROUGH ME.

THIS IS WHEN I STARTED TO OBSESS OVER MY APPEARANCE. I STARTED TO RESTRICT MY INTAKE OF FOOD, OVER EXCESSED, AND FROM THE AGE OF SIXTEEN, THAT'S NOT A 'NORMAL' THING FOR YOUR BODY TO GO THROUGH.

IN 2016, I WENT ON LOVE ISLAND. CARRYING THE WEIGHT OF MY EATING DISORDERS AND BODY ISSUES. I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED A MONTH BEFORE GOING INTO THE VILLA, AND I LOOK BACK NOW AND FIND IT MINDBLOWING HOW I WENT ON NATIONAL TELEVISION CARRYING ALL OF THAT WEIGHT. I CAME OUT OF THE VILLA AND MY LIFE HAD CHANGED. MONEY WAS FLOWING, BEING PAPPED EVERYWHERE I GO... BUT THAT SLOWLY CHANGED.

AFTER A YEAR OR SO, THE MONEY STARTED DRYING UP. IT FELT LIKE I'D BE CHEWED AND SPAT OUT. I WAS NO LONGER 'RELEVANT'.

MY MUM WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER AND STOMACH CANCER A YEAR POST LOVE ISLAND AND THIS IS WHEN MY ENTIRE LIFE FELL APART, NO PURPOSE, NO MONEY AND SOON TO BE NO MUM. I LIVED MY LIFE TRYING TO ESCAPE MY PAIN THROUGH ALCOHOL AND DRUGS.

SOON AFTER MY MUM DIED WAS WHEN I MET MY ABUSIVE EX - THIS RELATIONSHIP WAS FULL OF EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE, FROM DEODRANT BEING SPRAYED IN MY EYES TO HITTING ME, DEGRADING ME, GASLIGHTING ME AND CALLING ME NAMES - I HAD COMPLETELY LOST MYSELF, AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO GET OUT I WAS PREGNANT WITH MY FIRST BABY, CONSY, AND NOT LONG AFTER GIVING BIRTH SHE SADLY DIED IN HOSPITAL AT ONE MONTH OLD. I CALLED HER CONSY, NAMED AFTER MY MUM.

THIS IS WHEN I STARTED ADVOCATING AND USING MY VOICE TO HELP OTHERS HEAL - BUT I WASN'T FULLY HEALED MYSELF. MY EX GOT SENTENCED TO JAIL, I WAS ISOLATED IN COVID AND CONTINUED PARTYING TO ESCAPE THE GRIEF THAT MY BODY HELD SO TIGHTLY. I MET CURRENT DAUGHTER' DAD IN 2021, AND GAVE BIRTH TO XAYA IN 2022. I FELT MY LIFE CHANGE FOR THE BETTER, HOWEVER AFTER A BREAKUP WITH HER FATHER DUE TO IT BEING ANOTHER TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, THE STRUGGLES OF CO PARENTING REALLY TOOK IT'S TOLL. AT THE WEEKENDS, WHEN I HAD TO HAND HER OVER... I FOUND MYSELF SLIPPING BACK INTO THAT OLD LIFE - DRINK, PARTYING, DRUGS. WHEN I WAS WITH XAYA, I WAS A MOTHER, BUT WHEN I WAS ALONE, I DIDN'T KNOW WHO MALIN REALLY WAS.

AT THIS POINT, WHILST NAVIGATING LIFE AS A SINGLE WORKING MUM I WAS ADVOCATING FOR BODY POSITIVITY, AND SPEAKING UP FOR WOMEN'S RIGHTS. AFTER GAINING WEIGHT AFTER HAVING XAYA I SOON LSOT SIX STONE THROUGH INTUITIVE EATING. BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, I WAS BATTLING POST-NATAL DEPRESSION AND WAS STRUGGLING, WHILST HELPING OTHERS HEAL STILL. ANTI DEPRESSANTS WEREN'T WORKING AND I WAS TRYING MY BEST TO KEEP MY HEAD ABOVE WATER THROUGH THE LONELINESS AND PAIN.

IN DECEMBER 2023, I CHOSE TO GO TO HOLISTIC REHAB CENTRE AND THIS IS WHERE MY LIFE CHANGED.

AFTER MEDITATING FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR JUST TWO MINUTES I HAD A SPONTANIOUS KUNDALINI AWAKENING THE FOLLOWING NIGHT.

IT SHOOK ME TO MY CORE AND CRACKED ME OPEN TO THE TRUTH: EVERYTHING I WENT THROUGH WAS PREPARING ME FOR THIS MOMENT.

NOW, I’M NOT JUST SURVIVING – I’M HEALING, I’M GROWING, AND I’M HERE TO GUIDE OTHERS BACK TO THEMSELVES. MY STORY ISN’T PERFECT, BUT IT’S REAL. AND IF YOU’VE EVER FELT LIKE YOU DON’T FIT IN, LIKE YOU’VE LOST YOURSELF, OR LIKE YOU’RE READY FOR SOMETHING MORE – I SEE YOU. I HEAR YOU. AND I'M WITH YOU.